Austen & Testosterone

Remember the bit on Sesame Street that started with the song: “One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just doesn’t belong?” And then they’d put up pictures of an umbrella, raindrops, rubber boots, and a pink flamingo lawn ornament and ask the audience to choose the misfit object.

If you mastered that tricky question, you’re ready to move on to this more challenging one: which of these things doesn’t belong: Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet, Pemberley, the undead?

*Trick question*

Ha! I fooled you. They all belong. At least they do in the new novel co-authored by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith. Did you know that Miss Austen was still writing or that she’s developed an interest in the horror genre? I didn’t either. And for those of you who don’t have an interest in reading the novel (or having it read to you by the new Kindle), don’t worry – there’s a movie coming out as well. You can see Lizzy and Darcy battle the undead on the big screen soon enough.

Pride & Prejudice & Zombies

While we’re at it, why not throw in some aliens? Who hasn’t read P&P and thought: Pemberly’s a great house and all, but it’s really lacking a few UFO’s and extraterrestrial threats? Fret no longer, Pride & Predator will be here soon enough.

Pride & Predator:

There’s a very clear reason for these mash-ups: men love Austen. Obviously. But they’ve been scared to reveal how much they pine for a good ball or worry about an entail or dowry. They worry that crying with Jane over Bingley won’t appear macho. Simple solution: add some testosterone in the form of zombies and aliens. Now they have the perfect excuse for standing and cheering when Lizzy and Darcy admit their mutual admiration: “What? Did you see that? They totally just destroyed that zombie.”

While they’re mutilating Pride & Prejudice, they might as well show Austen’s other books some machismo.

My suggestions:
Sense & Sensibility & Samurais
Northanger Androids
Emma: Attack of the Matchmaking Clones
Persuasion and Poltergeists
Documentary: The Impact of Global Warming on the Park at Mansfield

So what do I think? I re-read my Austen anthology cover to cover at least once a year, she was the topic of my undergrad thesis and when the Masterpiece Theater did their Sunday’s with Austen series last year, I promptly blocked off the next eight Sundays on my calendar.

… but, if the zombie or aliens would eat Kitty, then I wouldn’t mind so much. She seriously drives me nuts!