Fearless but not ENDless

Technically the summer’s been over for a few weeks now; I just haven’t wanted to admit it. I ignored Labor Day. I overlooked the crisp apples at the local farmer’s market. I pressed past the aisles full of Halloween candy.

But on Saturday it was only in the 60’s. It’s hard to pretend it’s still summer while curled under a blanket wearing a fleece.

But how can it be over? (I say this despite having completed my 9th day of school).

LUCKY MIA‘s over too… at least this stage of it. And that’s a hard truth to accept. I still wake up with words on my fingertips and itch to insert self-indulgent chapters to the MS. I hear songs and add them to Mia’s soundtrack. I miss the story. I miss the characters. I spent more time with them than anyone else this summer.

And how can it be over? (I say this despite the kitchen dance party that commenced when I read The End for the final time).

I’ll give up summer. I’ll even accept that MIA doesn’t need an epilogue. But I’m not giving up my FEARLESS. The challenges I created and accepted this summer changed me. The never-back-down, what’s-the-worst-that-could-happen?, scared-is-not-an-acceptable-excuse attitude I adopted still doesn’t sit comfortably over my inclination to flee and retreat. But I don’t care. I owe myself more than that.

On Saturday night, as I shivered in my fleece and sipped spiced cider, I took a deep breath and erased MIA from the whiteboard walls of the NTB.

Staring at the blank walls was scary. How to fill them? What to fill them with? Would I love the new project as much as MIA? Where to even begin?

I studied them all night, finally falling asleep beneath walls that mocked me with their emptiness.

And I woke with new, nervous words on my fingertips. My first marker strokes were tentative, made of shaky letters and timid bullet points.

But it’s a whiteboard, mistake and changes wipe away with the swipe of a dusting cloth.

By mid-afternoon the wall looked like this.

And that fear and doubt? Replaced by hope and inspiration.

Who’s up for FEARLESS FALL?

5 Replies to “Fearless but not ENDless”

  1. T.O.T. – YAY! We shall be fearless together – and apart since our schedules have been completely incompatible lately!

    Emily – LOL! I was such a procrastination princess with lead feet about erasing the walls… and now I’m ready to do so again b/c I’ve already changed EVERYTHING. (I now wield my eraser FEARLESSLY)

    Victoria – No cannonball dares for the Fall. It’s too chilly up here! Do you have something else to challenge me to do? And the FALL is def. going to be challenging for you Edit-Girl (um, that nickname is LAME, I will do better when it’s not 6AM). YOU will be fearless and YOU will be sparkling! So proud πŸ™‚

    Courtney – Want to know what FEARLESS I’d like YOU to engage in?…. Follow the Sparkle Road to @2010BigYApple! You can do it! πŸ™‚

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