Author: Tiffany

Remember the bit on Sesame Street that started with the song: “One of these things is not like the other. One of these things just doesn’t belong?” And then they’d put up pictures of an umbrella, raindrops, rubber boots, and a pink flamingo lawn ornament and ask the audience to choose the misfit object.

If you mastered that tricky question, you’re ready to move on to this more challenging one: which of these things doesn’t belong: Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet, Pemberley, the undead?

*Trick question*

Ha! I fooled you. They all belong. At least they do in the new novel co-authored by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith. Did you know that Miss Austen was still writing or that she’s developed an interest in the horror genre? I didn’t either. And for those of you who don’t have an interest in reading the novel (or having it read to you by the new Kindle), don’t worry – there’s a movie coming out as well. You can see Lizzy and Darcy battle the undead on the big screen soon enough.

Pride & Prejudice & Zombies
Book: http://tinyurl.com/7r6t9q
Movie: http://tinyurl.com/aw34zh

While we’re at it, why not throw in some aliens? Who hasn’t read P&P and thought: Pemberly’s a great house and all, but it’s really lacking a few UFO’s and extraterrestrial threats? Fret no longer, Pride & Predator will be here soon enough.

Pride & Predator: http://tinyurl.com/d2j9r6

There’s a very clear reason for these mash-ups: men love Austen. Obviously. But they’ve been scared to reveal how much they pine for a good ball or worry about an entail or dowry. They worry that crying with Jane over Bingley won’t appear macho. Simple solution: add some testosterone in the form of zombies and aliens. Now they have the perfect excuse for standing and cheering when Lizzy and Darcy admit their mutual admiration: “What? Did you see that? They totally just destroyed that zombie.”

While they’re mutilating Pride & Prejudice, they might as well show Austen’s other books some machismo.

My suggestions:
Sense & Sensibility & Samurais
Northanger Androids
Emma: Attack of the Matchmaking Clones
Persuasion and Poltergeists
Documentary: The Impact of Global Warming on the Park at Mansfield

So what do I think? I re-read my Austen anthology cover to cover at least once a year, she was the topic of my undergrad thesis and when the Masterpiece Theater did their Sunday’s with Austen series last year, I promptly blocked off the next eight Sundays on my calendar.

… but, if the zombie or aliens would eat Kitty, then I wouldn’t mind so much. She seriously drives me nuts!

 

Valentine’s day, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways… but I’m stopping at 10, because then I need to get back to reading over my feedback group’s comments on FLASH.

In honor of <3 day, I decided to compose a list of the top ten things I love – at this moment – if you ask me tomorrow, you might get a few differences (especially if #1 has attempted to wash the basement floor with undiluted Mr. Clean again).

#1 – Husband! Today I received pink tulips (my favorite) and a card addressed to ‘his Sweet Catastrophe,’ which is a throwback reference to the song ‘Hurricane’ by Something Corporate, and an oddly appropriate nickname for his disaster-prone wife. Also, was brought to the local Indie bookstore and told to pick out ‘what I wanted.’ A shockingly dangerous statement to make. If I really purchased ‘what I wanted,’ we’d be living off tuna and Ramen for the next year. I did, however, buy Heather’ Brewer’s Ninth Grade Slays, Sara Zarr’s Sweetheart, and ordered A.S. King’s Dust of 100 Dogs, since it wasn’t in stock.

#2 – the Puggles. Biscotti is velociraptor-smart, but also fiercely loyal and snuggly. Bruschi *sigh* we have no memory of dropping him on his furry noggin as a puppy, but he’s definitely a remedial dog. That being said, he’s freakin’ adorable and the happiest thing with four legs and a tail. And his Elvis-lip underbite is enough to make me forgive when he steps in and knocks over his water bowl while drinking – again.

# 3- Family. They’re amazing – enough said.

# 4 – Friends. Ditto.

#5 – Writing. If you’ve read any of my other blogs, you know that writing is as essential as oxygen, sleep & caffeine. (Although, I often forgo sleep in order to have time to write).

#6 – Reading. My parents cheered when I learned to read at four – mostly because it was the only way to get me to sit still for more than three minutes – but by the time I was four and a half, they were begging me to put down the books and engage in the real world. They’re still begging. Sorry!

#7 – Foamed milk. I order my cappuccinos ‘extra dry,’ but really, that’s just to camouflage my weirdness. I’d rather just have a cup of warm, foamed milk – the coffee is completely optional. The caffeine at the bottom is a perk, however.

#8 – Running. When my ankle cooperates. It’s totally Jay Asher’s fault that I ended up back in PT for five months. If 13 Reasons Why on audiobook wasn’t so ridiculously amazing, I wouldn’t have upped my mileage from 4 to 6 within a week and ended up injured. (But the book was so good that it was almost worth it).

#9 – Kayaking. Preferably with #1 and #2. (#2 have the most-ridiculous-but-adorable life jackets with handles on top for when they inevitably fall overboard).

#10 – Twitter. Probably not really in my top 10, but I’m not letting myself sign on right now I work on FLASH edits, and I’m totally going through withdrawal. If you want to follow me there – I’ll be back soon, promise – my name is (creatively enough) TiffanySchmidt.

What are your top 10?

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Disclaimer:  I love my class.  I really do.  I am lucky to be the teacher of 26 of the most respectful, intelligent, curious, and creative 6th graders who have ever lived.  I wouldn’t trade them for anyone.  (Well, maybe for last year’s class of angels-disguised-as-students, but no one else).

Having said that, these creative young minds do very creative things with the English language.  Some of them are hilarious, like this line from a student’s narrative about the day his dog fell in the pool:

 “We quickly learned that Mocha was no Michael Phelps.”

Others, however, are not purposely funny, but hilarious all the same.

About the Great Depression:  “This was first America’s crisis, but soon became a nationwide problem.” (I think we need to review our geography…)  

About Teddy Roosevelt:  “After McKinley died, Teddy Roosevelt had to be president right away.  He was on a hiking trip with his family, so I’m not sure why they made him do it right away.”  (Seriously, couldn’t the American public at least wait until he finished his vacation?)

About Eco-friendly energy sources:  “Savannah Desert uses solar panels to cook her dinner.”  (Is she a good cook?  I’ll be right over!)

About Global Warming:  “You may be asking yourself, what are fossil fuels.  I’m pretty sure they’re dead animals that are burned as fuel.”  (Next time, wait until you’re really sure.  We are not scooping up road kill and burning it.)

About Diverticulitis: “Imagine your lower intestine breaking open and spilling toxic waste into the body.”  (No!  NO!  I do not want to imagine that. Take it back!)
 

In other disturbing-image news, the PowerPoint presentations that went along with these papers had me screaming:

Holy guacamole!  Where are the school’s image filters and firewalls?!

While the student who was researching Michael Phelps’s Olympic accomplishments (this was pre-scandal) couldn’t get any images, because his Olympic uniform is apparently “indecent apparel,” others were able to get much more disturbing photos.

The student whose topic was “How could the assassination of JFK have been prevented?” was able to get full-color autopsy photos.  (Side note: Whether in or out of school, why should these ever be available?) 

I’m sitting in that presentation, doing my smiley-encouraging-I’m-listening-you’re-doing-so-great nod when – WHAM-O  – slide change and I’m looking at something so gory that I may have screamed just a little.

*needs to take a typing break to compose self*

So, the autopsy photo comes up and my head immediately goes between my knees and I’m hyperventilating.  Boy, this kid was a champ (or oblivious, one or the other) because even though his teacher’s about to pass out, he kept right on presenting.  Picking up the e-marker and drawing all over who knows what (I was busy memorizing the stains on the industrial carpeting and trying not to vomit and add to them).  Kinda remember hearing: “I’m going to trace the path the bullet followed.  This used to be his temple…”  but then I blacked out a little bit.  This made assessing his conclusion a bit challenging. 

I love my class.  I really do.  Even if they make me queasy and dizzy. 

Today’s grade report
Students’ effort : A
Students’ unintentional humor quotient: A
School’s firewalls : F

 

 

 

 

I had planned to blog about all the wonderful and creative ways that my students interpreted the English language during today’s 8-hour presentation-fest (Anyone else for a gin and ‘photovol-tonic’? That’s apparently what fuels solar-powered cars while they’re saving the ‘o-zone’ – not to be confused with the x-zone, or y-zone). But in my post-presentation queasiness (more tomorrow), I left all of my notes in the classroom. So you’ll have to wait.

Besides, now that I’m no longer green as a result of some very graphic presentation content (another teaser – but you still have to wait until tomorrow), I’m even greener with envy.

Have you seen Maureen Johnson’s or Ally Carter’s blogs about what they’re doing this summer? (No? Well, no excuses! They’re available here: http://maureenjohnson.blogspot.com and here: http://www.allycarter.com/blog.html ) I’ll wait here patiently until you’re done.

Finished? Aren’t you feeling a little green too? This is even worse than when I read Ralph Fletcher’s account of his month at Yaddo. I want a Yaddo. I want an Irish Castle. I want rock star writer friends to go on retreaty, Irish vacations with!

Hmmm, I’m sounding a little whiney here.  How to redeem myself?  

Thinking . . .  thinking. . .

Today I helped a first grader with a bloody nose who was adorable, tearful, and lost on her way to the nurse!  There, have I restored my saintly teacher-writer persona?

( I still want an Irish castle . . . )

I guess my local coffee shop is a good plan B.
Maybe if I’m really nice, they’ll make me an Irish coffee while I sit there and write.  About castles. J

Yesterday I had a couple of firsts. It was my first time watching a movie from the very back row of the theater. It was also my first time watching a movie with a dozen 6^th graders. Apparently, the movie theater is just like the bus: the last row is clearly the coolest.

I, apparently, also have a bit of a coolness factor (who knew?!) because while the parents were ordered to sit elsewhere, there was a bit of a fuss about who would get to sit next to me. And since both sides and the two seats in front of me were quickly commandeered, my poor husband had to sit three seats down with other the boys.

My class read Coraline together this fall, and I had offered to see the movie with them yesterday. Twelve current and former students, a handful of parents, and a few younger siblings showed up. “We’ll discuss the differences between the book and movie in class on Monday,” I said.

In sixth grade speak that roughly translates to: “We’ll discuss the differences and anything else that comes to mind, during the movie.” And they did.

A recap:

• We missed our favorite scene: when Coraline calls the policeman
• We love that the Jones are gardening writers who hate dirt
• We wished the ending had been kept the same
• We’re glad they didn’t include the part about the Other Father in the basement – it would have been too scary.
• We’re not quite sold on Wybie. Coraline doesn’t need a sidekick.
• That doll is as creepy as the buttons
• That is not what we expected Miss Forcible to look like -yikes!
• The cat’s voice was not as we pictured – he should sound snobbier
• Mrs. Schmidt does a better job of singing the ‘twitchy, witchy song’ (although, I believe this comment was meant mockingly – hurumph!)

Their consensus: it was scary, but the book was scarier. Still…

The poor first grade sibling of one of my kiddos was scared straight out of her teensy, pink Ugg boots (or maybe they were just adhered to the spilt-soda-sticky floor), and had to be carried out of the theater by one of the moms.

The student to my right kept up a steady refrain of: “I’m so glad this isn’t 3-D,” “Imagine that in 3-D” and “OMG, I couldn’t handle this in 3-D.”

Another female student whispered down the row toward me: “Mrs. Schmidt, how are the boys? Are they scared too?”

I peeked down the row. They were sitting in a clump: leaned forward, chins in tense hands, eyes wide. Clearly terrified. (Disclaimer: husband was fine). I turned back to my questioner and saved their pre-teen egos: “They’re fine. Very brave.”

Three minutes later I reached over the seatbacks and squeezed the shoulders of the two students sitting in front of me – making them jump and squeal. Good times!

In the lobby (after we took our class photo) they recapped and decided that the movie was great, but the book was greater. Then again, when isn’t this the case?

On the way out the door I caught a wisp their conversation: “Man, I’ve got to get started on The Graveyard Book. I need to finish it before they make it into a movie. Do you think Mrs. Schmidt’ll come to that, too?”

Lessons learned: Back row = cool. Mrs. Schmidt = cool. Movies = less cool than books.

Everywhere I look online someone seems to have a new opinion about the future of publishing.  Some are holding up the success of self-published books like Still Alice, but others are quick to point out that these successes are the exception in a sea of less-than-mediocre self-indulgence.  Some people point to publication on demand and other laud the Kindle and other e-readers. 

You can find lists of the layoffs, restructuring, and acquisition freezes at the major publishing houses.  The delayed release of other brands of e-book readers is also disappointing news. 

And as a writer seeking an agent, where do I go with all of this conflicting and depressing information? 

No where.  It doesn’t affect what I do.  I still sit at my laptop and create worlds in my mind.  I still bleed words onto paper and seek to self-promote through blogs, tweets, and forums.  I’ll continue to hone my skills through feedback groups and workshops.  My query, synopsis, and competitive analysis will still benefit from polishing.  I’m sure as heck not going to stop shopping my YA novel FLASH. 

Whether it’s P.O.D.’d, or e-booked, or rolled out with a smaller initial print run, it’ll still be my book.  I can’t change how publishing evolves, but I stay educated, optimistic, prepared, and proactive.  Regardless of how it changes, quality literature will always be sought and shared. 

And I’ll keep spilling words and worlds onto pages – because I can’t seem to stop.  I don’t want to.
 

First of all, congratulations Neil Gaiman – The Graveyard Book was excellent and deserved to win the Newbery Award.   I shall celebrate by seeing Coraline this weekend (we’ll pretend I wasn’t already planning on going!)

Looking over the lists of winners and honorees, I realize I’ve got some reading to do; I haven’t read them all!  It also made me think of the books I’d award – if I had the amount of power that I do in my mind.  I mentally began to compile my lists of can’t-put-them-down books, the books I had talked about so much that I had a waiting list to read it before I’d even finished.  To these books I bestoy The Schmidty Awards!

(Sidenote: I know not all of these books came out in 2008, but that’s when I read them and these are my awards, so I get to make the rules.)

Once Upon a Crime by Michael Buckley
Cross my Heart and Hope to Spy by Ally Carter
Trouble by Gary Schmidt
Drums, Girls, Dangerous Pie by Jordan Sonnenblick
Schooled by Gordan Korman

Young Adult:
13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher
Wicked Lovely by Melissa Marr
Wake by Lisa McMann
The Off Season by Catherine Gilbert Murdock
Generation Dead by Daniel Waters

Just because I don’t yet have a novel in the running, doesn’t discourage me – it just means I’ve got a whole new year to polish and shop my book. 

Congrats to the winners (and the readers too!) and to everyone else, good luck next year!
 

I had a bit of a teary-eyed moment in the classroom yesterday. Actually, this was my second teary moment this week – but who didn’t get teary watching America swell with Hope during the inauguration on Tuesday? Yesterday’s teariness, however, had nothing to do with politics or presidents.

 

Yesterday I decided to share with my students the very rough beginning of the new story I’m noodling around with (currently called: the-book-about-alliteration-mixed tapes-leukemia-superstitions-MacGyver-and-cheerleading … I need a better working title). They’ve been struggling within their own feedback groups – too afraid of offending each other to offer any useful feedback – and I decided that this needed skill to be modeled.

 

I’ve shared with them before, little pithy things I’ve written while they write, but never something big. Never something that I hope to turn into a book. So, it was with a stuttering pulse and tightened throat that I read the first three pages of TBAAMTLSMC (really need to shorten that!).

 

And their feedback – wow – this is a group of excellent readers, but they still blew me away with their insight and suggestions. Their predictions about what would happen let me know things I’d given away too early versus misdirection that could work. Their discussion of the mood of the story and their analysis of the characters let me know I was on the right track – they’d made the inferences and connections I had hoped.

 

When they dispersed to go off to their own feedback groups, the conversation was richer, more specific, and flavored with helpful criticism. They got it.

 

 

The moment that made me teary occurred hours later, during dismissal when I only had one student left. His bus had been called and he’d started out the door, then turned around and came back to my desk. “Mrs. Schmidt, I really think you should get that book published – when it’s done. And… I’m proud of you.”

Here my inner cheeseball nature comes out:  these are words I normally say to him (and all my students), hearing from his eleven-year-old mouth made me remember how powerful these words are.  *tear*

I’ll set the scene for you: it’s the Tuesday before school vacation. The students have just passed in their last long-term assignment (strategy records for Shakespeare’s Secret or Chasing Vermeer), they know they’ve just got lunch, recess, math class, and then the holiday party. Things seem manageable. They can hold it together for that long.

And then, something changes. It’s too cold outside. Recess will be… indoors.

Anyone else get a sinking ut-oh feeling in the base of the stomach? I know my class – know that they need an opportunity to run around and burn off their Lunchables if they’re going to be functional for the rest of the day. The combination of the impending vacation + indoor recess = a very long afternoon.

Except it didn’t. (This is the part where the book comes in, for those that are wondering). They were dismissed from the cafeteria and stormed the classroom, but instead of getting out playing cards, paper, logging onto the computer, or complaining that they were bored, they had a request:

“Can you read more read aloud? Please? We promise to be really good.”

And they were. So good that you would’ve thought that I was one of the mean, nasty teachers who rules by intimidation. There wasn’t whispering, poking, and there was barely even fidgeting.

And they were able to continue to be that good and focused… until math class.

 Exhibit B: It’s now post-break and we’ve had a two-hour delay for icy roads.

They come crashing into the classroom at 10:15 instead of 8:15 and have just enough time to chat and pledge the flag before we head down to our ‘lunch’ period.

And how do they greet me this morning as they slide down the hallway on snow-wet sneakers? Not with: “Good morning, Mrs. Schmidt” or “How was your drive, Mrs. Schmidt?” or “How are you, Mrs. Schmidt?” (Which is normally how they greet me – I have a very polite class!). Instead it was 26 versions of: “We missed reading, can we read later?” “Are we still going to do read aloud?” “What happens because we missed reading? Can you squeeze it in?” And, I kid you not, “Could we have lunch in the classroom and you could read to us?”

I could add on an Exhibit C and probably all the way to Exhibit Q, but you’ve got the point.
 

The book this blog is about is Trouble by Gary Schmidt – hence the snappy title. My students love to say, “it’s not just a story, it’s literature.” And I agree.

They are so engrossed in this story that it’s discussed at dismissal, during recess, in the hallways, during math, in social studies, in science, over IM at night… And this is in addition to the half-hour we spend discussing it each day in class. Discussion I have to cut off, despite their fervent protests (and despite my own desire to keep reading and listening!).

And when they talk about the book, I’m amazed again each day. They discuss how in most books and movies there’s a good guy and a bad guy, but in this book (like life) people are a mix of both good and bad. They’re discussing motivation, consequences, racism, classism, stereotypes, and the benefits and dangers of tradition.

As a teacher, I suddenly feel superfluous. My only job is to read out loud, Gary Schmidt’s done the hard work in writing the book, and my students are benefiting – both as people and as writers – as they try out his craft in their own pieces and apply his story’s lessons to their lives.

So the real ‘trouble’ with a good book is that it makes the real world a whole lot less appealing. Who really wants to multiply mixed numbers (or even have recess) when there’s a whole lot of Trouble waiting between two covers?

 

Sometimes I need a little writing inspiration. Or at least to feel like I’m not the only one who types instead of sleeps, thinks of my characters as people, and occasionally considers throwing my computer out the window.

When I do, I turn to my favorite author websites and blogs. I’m sharing a sampling of them below, but consider yourself warned: it’s easy to get sucked in and spend hours clicking link after link.

 Libba Bray – http://www.libbabray.com/ – Each time I read her blog I remember why I love her books so much. Her voice just shouts off the computer screen and I constantly find myself nodding and going, ‘me too.’ As in, you’ve also been banned from watching House because you diagnosis yourself with every pathogen that appears on the screen? I thought I was the only one!

Ally Carter – http://www.allycarter.com/ – She sounds adorable and she really interacts with her fans. I love that she started a book club for her fans and when she shares information on her upcoming novels. (I can’t wait to not judge a girl by her cover)

Sara Crowe – http://acrowesnest.blogspot.com/ – Sara’s technically an agent. And the blog isn’t technically just hers. It’s a blog where many of the different authors she represents as well as people throughout the industry share advice and experiences. It’s excellent writing and advice. I share parts of it with my students, and parts I print and share with other writers.

Shannon Hale – http://www.squeetus.com/stage/main.html – She offers great writing advice and has such a great website. It’s so well organized and contains so much information. Great links and resources.

Susan Beth Pfeffer- http://susanbethpfeffer.blogspot.com/ – Her blog has been so interesting because it shares all the different directions she’s considered for the third book in the Moon Crash trilogy. She actually has blog posts that include spoilers (but they’re labeled so that people who’d rather wait can be surprised). I haven’t seen another author who has shared so much about the process of writing/publishing – including the bad news, dead ends, and startovers.

Scott Westerfeld – www.scottwesterfeld.com – You know it’s gotta be awesome because Scott named it the ‘Westerblog.’ Although that’s not the only reason I read it! Check it out yourself to find out why.

Enjoy